I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
