There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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