you turned your livingroom into a bong?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
