How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
