Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
