"it" just moved
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
