I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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