then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize