I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
