4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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