He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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