Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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