we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
