I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
