omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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