Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
