Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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