she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
