Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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