It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
