u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize