We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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