I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
