the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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