Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
