# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
