I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
