Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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