He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
