I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
