So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
