At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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