If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
