On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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