All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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