I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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