1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
