Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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