At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
