we have pet lesbian snakes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
