And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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