Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
