i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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