Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
