maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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