Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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