It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
