So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
