If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
