I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
