I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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