VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
