i jhust puked up my retainher.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
