how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize