I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
