I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am one with the molecules
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
