I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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