i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
