she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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