im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She told me I should be a condom model.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Randomize
