I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
