He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
