theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
