What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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