You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
