I wish I could punch you in the face.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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