she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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